Helping Others Through Their Temptations

By Robert Norman

All of us have experienced intense temptations that we struggle to rein in. Sometimes temptation hits us, we put it out of our minds, and get on with our days without a second thought. Other times, it lingers or returns at an inopportune moment, and we are faced with the slow burn of trying to flee from our vices. Yet still, there are times, which we can all definitely relate to, when temptation seems to be constantly on our backs and, no matter what we do, we cannot seem to put it away.

Scripture reminds us that temptation is common to the Christian life, but never beyond the help of God’s grace. Paul writes, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man” and then points believers to the faithfulness of God, who provides the way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). The Christian life is not lived in our own strength. We fight temptation as those united to Christ, helped by the Holy Spirit, and strengthened through the ordinary means of grace.

When Temptation Follows Close Behind

This year I had the joy of taking a road trip through Northeastern Europe with my family. Starting in Romania, we drove all the way to Hungary, through Slovakia, up into Poland and Lithuania, before we reached our friends in Latvia. Driving from east to west Romania showed beautiful scenery up hills with fun twisting roads. At one point, however, there was a truck. I pulled out of a junction with plenty of time to spare, yet he flashed his headlights at me, showing that, for some reason, he disapproved that I was in front of him.

From experience, I know that staying in front of such a truck driver in Romania can be bad for you, so I made it my mission to lose him. I went as fast as I legally could so that he could not overtake me. Normally, a truck in front of you would not be a problem, but this man wanted to overtake me, knowing full well that a series of long, winding hills were in front of us. Getting stuck behind him before the hills would have added at least an extra hour to our journey.

As I drove through villages, I would look in my rearview mirror and, just when I thought we had left him in the dust, he would turn a corner and be on my tail again. It struck me how temptation can often be the same. We run as fast as we can, but just when we think we are safe, there it is again, hot on our tail, ready to smash into us and try to cause us to sin.

This should be a relatable experience for any dedicated Christian who has lived the life of faith for even a short time. Temptations to give in to lust and watch pornography abound for singles and married men and women. Desires to overeat tempt others. The tongue, which James describes as a small member with great power (James 3:4–6), often feels like it can wiggle out of control at any moment. There are moments when we think we have mastered our situation, only for the truck of temptation to come around the corner once more, showing us that it is not far behind us, waiting with fresh schemes to pull us down.

Helping Others in the Fight Against Temptation

This struggle is difficult enough in our own lives. But what do we do when, in one of our stronger moments in the Christian faith, somebody comes and asks us for help in their own struggles?

As a counselor, I have dealt with many things: pornography, idolatry toward money, anger, and bitterness being some of the chief struggles with which I have worked. What can we do to help people when they are struggling with temptation? In the sections below, I will sketch out some ideas based on how I have tried to help people in the past.

Get to the Heart

Part of helping people is “being strong for them.” Not that I believe we are stronger than each other in ourselves. Rather, the Holy Spirit works in each of our lives and sometimes grants us grace in special ways to help weaker believers. To that end, Puritan William Bridge, in his book A Lifting Up for the Downcast, wrote:

“You know how it is with the ivy and the vine; the ivy leans upon the oak, and the vine upon the posts or the house-side; the ivy and the vine do not lean on one another; if the ivy and the vine should come and lean upon one another, what twisting would there be. Both would fall to the ground: but the ivy leans upon the oak, and the vine upon the posts of the house-side. So a weak Christian should go and lean upon a strong Christian: but if one doubter leans upon another doubter, both will fall to the ground.”

So it should be. When the Spirit gives us grace to help others, may we learn to be strong oaks, ready to help those withering vines in our Christian communities.

How, though, do we offer help? Many people have good intentions and desire to help their friends and fellow church members. Yet often they are not equipped with the right knowledge or experience to do the work. That is why we must learn to get to the heart of somebody’s struggle with temptation.

To do this, we must learn to be slow to jump to conclusions. If somebody is upset and struggling with church leadership when we do not see a problem, it is all too easy to say that person has a pride issue, declare it, and move on. This, however, may cause us to miss important matters. We have to learn to ask questions about the situation and, only when we are sure, press on the sin issue.

Ask Wise Questions Before Giving Counsel

For example, somebody may come to me and tell me they have a problem with compulsive lying. First, I have to start digging into the situation. I have to ask questions about why they believe that about themselves. Doing so, in this case, reveals that they saw a psychologist before they spoke to me and that this was the category used to describe their behavior. They struggle not to tell a series of “white lies” every day and are seeking help.

While psychological categories may describe certain patterns of behavior, Scripture ultimately helps us understand lying as a moral and spiritual issue rooted in the heart. We therefore want to help the person see that this is not merely a label to manage, but sin to confess, understand, and put to death by the grace of God.

Doing this will require more questions. Such questions need to be asked to understand how the person realized that they have a problem and what the circumstances were in their life when the pattern started. In this case, the individual has a rough marriage where their spouse is constantly yelling at them for getting things wrong. As a result, the person starts telling “white lies” to avoid getting yelled at. Now it is clear that there is a marital problem mixed into the issue.

So, you see how easy it is for somebody to come to us saying, “I struggle with this,” and for us to immediately throw Bible verses at them without careful application. We have to dig down, through asking questions, into their situation in order to properly understand the heart of the problem.

In this case, the individual is certainly lying, and that sin needs to be dealt with. Nonetheless, it has also been revealed that they have marital problems, which also need to be dealt with. This would have remained concealed if the counselor or friend had not asked those questions.

Know the Bible

Next, it is important to know our Bibles if we are to help others fight their temptations. Several times over the course of my ministry I have been counseling somebody, only to have to stop and look up where a verse is because I had forgotten exactly where it was. Over time, I have kept a Bible with notes in it to help me find those verses again.

We need to learn what the Bible says and where to find it so that we are ready to offer timely, careful, and faithful help when people are relying on us for counsel.

You can do what I do and write notes in the margin of a “counseling” Bible. Or you can come up with another system that helps you more. There is no one-size-fits-all approach here. Regardless, if we are going to help people fight temptation with biblical counsel, then we must know our Bibles.

Apply the Bible Directly

Finally, we must know how to apply the correct verses to the correct situation in the correct way. I have lost count of how many times I have known somebody to be struggling with temptation, only to be told, “There is no temptation that overcomes you,” and for things to be left at that.

That is not to say that the verse is not relevant. It certainly is. What I want to say, however, is that we need to show that verse in its context and explain how it directly applies to the situation of the struggling believer. Doing so provides an opportunity for the heart to be transformed according to God’s Word.

The more profoundly, contextually, and carefully we apply the verses we use, the better equipped we will be to provide actual help for those with whom we work.

Point Struggling Believers to Christ

As we help others fight temptation, we must never forget to point them to Christ. The goal is not merely behavior modification. The goal is repentance, faith, holiness, and growing conformity to Christ.

Hebrews reminds us that we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin (Hebrews 4:15–16). That means tempted believers do not need to hide from Christ. They need to run to Him. He is merciful, faithful, and sufficient for His people.

When we help others, we should hold together both honesty about sin and hope in the Savior. Temptation is serious. Sin must not be minimized. But Christ is greater than our sin, stronger than our temptations, and faithful to complete the work He has begun in His people.

Conclusion: Faithful Help for Tempted Christians

Overall, it is clear that we have often made mistakes in counseling people through temptations. You may have seen some of your own errors as you have studied this article. Please do not be discouraged. Let it be, rather, an encouragement to work harder at doing things properly. Take every opportunity to grow, and you will be more and more effective as you work in the field of helping people with their temptations.

The Lord does not call His people to fight temptation alone. He has given us His Word, His Spirit, and His church. As we patiently walk with struggling believers, ask wise questions, apply Scripture carefully, and point them again and again to Christ, God often uses ordinary faithfulness to bring lasting transformation.

Lord be with you as you carry on.

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