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Biblical Wisdom for Resolving Conflict in the Christian Life
Contending for the Word Q&A, December 20
Question addressed, What does Scripture teach about resolving conflict biblically?
Conflict is unavoidable in a fallen world, even among Christians. Misunderstandings happen, words wound, pride rises,
and relationships strain. Yet God does not leave His people without guidance. Scripture gives a clear, wise, and
gracious path for handling conflict in a way that honors Christ and seeks restoration.
So what does Scripture teach about resolving conflict biblically?
1. Begin by examining your own heart
Before addressing others, Scripture calls us to look inward. Jesus says, “First take the log out of your own eye”
(Matthew 7:5).
Ask yourself:
- Am I reacting in pride?
- Am I assuming motives?
- Am I harboring bitterness?
- Am I being impatient, harsh, or self-centered?
Humility is the starting point of reconciliation.
2. Seek the Lord in prayer before taking action
James 1:5 promises wisdom to those who ask. Prayer softens our hearts, clarifies truth, and prepares us to speak with grace rather than anger. When you pray before you speak, your words will reflect Christ rather than the flesh.
3. Go directly to the person involved
Jesus gives clear instruction, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him
alone” (Matthew 18:15).
This means:
- not gossiping.
- not venting to others.
- not posting online.
- not assuming the worst.
- not rehearsing arguments.
Many conflicts escalate because we talk about someone instead of talking to them.
4. Speak the truth in love
Ephesians 4:15 calls believers to combine clarity with compassion. Truth without love is harsh, love without truth is
shallow. Biblical communication is, gentle, honest, calm, patient, quick to listen, and slow to anger. Christlike words heal rather than harm.
5. Be ready to forgive fully
Forgiveness lies at the heart of biblical conflict resolution. Colossians 3:13 says, “Forgive as the Lord has
forgiven you.”
Forgiveness does not mean:
- pretending nothing happened.
- excusing sin.
- minimizing hurt.
Forgiveness means releasing the debt and refusing to hold the offense over someone. We forgive because Christ has
forgiven us far more than anyone has ever wronged us.
6. Involve others only when necessary
If private conversation fails, Jesus instructs believers to involve one or two mature Christians (Matthew 18:16). The
aim is restoration, not punishment. God designed the church to help believers walk in truth and reconciliation.
7. Pursue peace without compromising truth
Romans 12:18 teaches, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Sometimes reconciliation
is immediate, sometimes it takes time, and sometimes it requires boundaries. Christians pursue peace because Christ is the Prince of Peace, yet peace must rest on truth, not compromise.
8. Remember reconciliation reflects the gospel
God reconciled us to Himself through Christ and now calls us to extend that reconciliation to others (2 Corinthians
5:18). Every restored relationship bears witness to the power of the gospel.
Conflict is painful, but it is also an opportunity to grow in godliness, to show grace, and to reflect Christ’s love.
Walk in humility, speak with gentleness, forgive freely, pursue peace, and trust the God who reconciled you to Himself to help you pursue reconciliation with others.
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Dave Jenkins is happily married to his wife, Sarah. He is a writer, editor, and speaker living in beautiful Southern Oregon. Dave is a lover of Christ, His people, the Church, and sound theology. He serves as the Executive Director of Servants of Grace Ministries, the Executive Editor of Theology for Life Magazine, the Host and Producer of Equipping You in Grace Podcast, and is a contributor to and producer of Contending for the Word. He is the author of The Word Explored: The Problem of Biblical Illiteracy and What To Do About It (House to House, 2021), The Word Matters: Defending Biblical Authority Against the Spirit of the Age (G3 Press, 2022), and Contentment: The Journey of a Lifetime (Theology for Life, 2024). You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, or read his newsletter. Dave loves to spend time with his wife, going to movies, eating at a nice restaurant, or going out for a round of golf with a good friend. He is also a voracious reader, in particular of Reformed theology, and the Puritans. You will often find him when he’s not busy with ministry reading a pile of the latest books from a wide variety of Christian publishers. Dave received his M.A.R. and M.Div through Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary.
