There are moments in our lives when we have a sense of deep and peaceful clarity. Over the past five years I’ve had many of these happen to me. First, it was my dear mentor Mike Beaudin who went to be with the Lord. That one was a punch to the gut to be sure because he was my adopted big brother and a mentor who the Lord used to shape me in profound ways. Then even before Covid took my mentor there was Joseph my yellow lab who had to be put down before we moved from California to Oregon and our cat Roxie who was the first present I bought Sarah in our marriage. After moving to Oregon, we lost several dogs—Bandit and Castorio, and Clee our cat—who either had to be put down or died naturally. Then almost three years ago now, I took over my mom’s care as her durable power of attorney. About two and a half months ago she entered hospice to get more support. It is unlikely my mom is getting off of hospice as her memory illness continues to get worse and is now affecting her ability to speak. On top of this, my dad died January 15th, 2025 after a long twelve-year battle with dementia and I did his eulogy which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my ministry.

The Mark Grief Leaves

As you can see there have been many moments of deep and peaceful clarity for me. But this period of my life has also been full of a lot of pain, hurt, suffering, and grief. When you lose a puppy you raised from one month old, lose your dad, and watch your mom decline, it does something to you. Profound grief leaves its mark deep on you and it never goes away. In some ways you always have a “limp” from it moving forward. But it also helps you to see clearly what is most important and what isn’t.

As we approach Thanksgiving and Christmas there are going to no doubt be more moments for me of deep peace and clarity where I remember these events and think back on the memories. Those events over time for me continue to get easier and easier with the Lord’s help. And also the reminder, I’m not doing this alone. The Lord is with me, His Spirit indwells me, and there are lots of local brothers and sisters who love and care for me, and others who know me well who are praying for me and only a phone call away.

Facing Grief with the Lord’s Help

My reason for writing today goes beyond sharing where I am in this season of life. Maybe you are in the throes of grief today, and it hurts. It hurts so bad that you don’t know where to turn or where to go. Maybe you are coming out of false teaching and wondering how you grieve properly. Here’s what I want to say: Sometimes there are truly no good answers. As in there is no right or wrong answer. Sure, we know from a biblical worldview that the Lord is with us and will never leave us nor forsake us. Sure, we know that we can take our grief and pain to the Lord. But that doesn’t minimize the pain. It helps us to deal with it and to face it in the Lord’s grace and with His Spirit. It still doesn’t take away the reality of the pain, nor does it diminish it.

Remembering Mike and Resting in God’s Providence

I will never forget a conversation with Mike Beaudin who I mentioned earlier. He said, “Dave, the Lord is hand-tailoring the events of your life under His providence.” That is a statement that has stuck with me and I have had to remind myself often over the last five years since he went to be with the Lord. I often wish during this season and the past few years I had my adopted big brother to call. There were so many days I stared at his number wanting to call but knowing he wasn’t there. He was with his Lord. It took some time to accept that he was gone. I’ll never forget my last text to him where I told him I loved him so much and was so glad he was in my life. He said the same thing. I was so sad we hadn’t gotten to see each other for two years due to a variety of things in both of our lives. But I knew and he knew also that I loved him, and I knew he loved me.

Maybe today you are here too. You have a dear friend, family member, or someone you know who is facing imminent death, in hospice, or you have had someone die in the past five years you loved and cared for. As you think about it what comes to mind? How are you right now processing your pain and grief? Are you pushing through and trying to get through it no matter what happens? Are you stuffing down the pain and grief and not facing it with the Lord’s help? Or are you taking it to the Lord, sharing with others, and getting love and care from the Lord and His people?

Leaning into God’s Grace

I also will never forget a local friend who after sharing about his own struggles said, “In this season I’m leaning in more and more to God’s grace” and that stuck and lodged in my heart. Am I leaning in this season into the means the Lord has given me for my good? It is so easy to say yes to that question but the question isn’t meant only to be given intellectual assent. It’s actually a question of practice. In theory we can say all the right words. It’s in our practice where it shows up that counts. James 1:22 says that we are to be doers of His Word. And that means putting into practice the truths we know and applying them with the help of God’s grace, His Spirit, and His people. We need this because what seasons of grief do is they reveal how well we are doing at applying the truth to the deep recesses of our hearts.

I am concerned that many people don’t do well with grief. Sure it hurts and it hurts especially at a level that I can be honest, I’ve never felt before. When my wife told me when we first started dating over twenty years ago now that she lost her parents, I knew that was horrible. But I didn’t understand her pain till I got the call from hospice and the hospice nurse said, “I just walked in and your dad breathed his last, and I’m calling you right after that.” Wow. After crying, I looked at my wife Sarah and said, “I understand in some way what it must have been like to lose your mom and dad.” And she looked at me and said, “Yes, now you do.”

Keep Taking Your Grief to the Lord

So I don’t know where you are at today with your own grief. But I want to urge you to please not become bitter against the Lord. Don’t use your grief and pain and suffering to run away from the Lord. Don’t harden your heart against the Lord because of what you are going through. Press into the comfort of God’s grace. Take a nap and some rest. Take it easier if you need to on your hard days. Go for a walk. Spend time praying and yes it will hurt at times. But take it to the Lord and keep taking it to the Lord. Let the tears flow as you need them. And remind your heart till you believe it: The Lord is eternally faithful, eternally true, eternally good, He is with you, His Spirit indwells you, and He has promised to comfort and help you in all stages and seasons of life.

Treasuring the Time We Have

God’s grace is so good. When my brother and I decided to put my mom on hospice it was for more support. As she continues on though it is clear. She isn’t likely coming off of hospice. Her speech is getting worse and worse. Her memory is getting more and more confused. But what has changed from the time she went on to hospice to now? It’s the reminder that the worst that is going to happen to my mom is she is going to be with the Lord. And that is truly a comforting thought.

I’ll never forget the last walk my dad and I took. He even had a lucid moment which was the first one in over two years. It was an incredible time and it shocked me. But I reminded myself: Dave, this is that moment. Enjoy it now with your dad. And I’m so glad I did. He asked me about my life and ministry which he loved to hear about. I gave him a big hug and told him I loved him. I took a picture with him which he loved too. We talked about sports, life, and so much more. I knew when we left that might be the last time my dad was really there and I was right. The next visit only a month later in Seattle ended with my mom visiting my dad and he knew who she was. But as I stood in front of the door it was clear he didn’t know who I was anymore. That’s when I was glad the prior visit I had said all I wanted to say and was able to go in peace with my dad.

Hope in Life and in Death

Maybe you aren’t there today with a friend or family member where they are on death’s door. And also, maybe you are there in your own life. Scripture is clear in Hebrews 9:27 that it is appointed for man to die once and face His judgment. There is coming a day when death will come for each one of us. Death is undefeated. It may come in your sleep, or it might come through a tragic set of circumstances. The Lord knows the hairs on your head and the length of your days. The Lord offers real redemption to buy you out from the slavery market of sin and give you new life in His name through His death, burial, and resurrection.

Grief though hard is only temporary this side of eternity. Death is coming for all of us. For those in Christ death is not the end, but really only the beginning. The worst days here on this side of eternity are just that, our worst. For the Christian, there is hope beyond the grave in the presence of our King in whom is fullness of joy, hope, and peace. That is why I have moments of deep clarity and peace because I know my hope is in my Savior who defeated death, was buried, and rose again on the third day. I long for that day when this horrible memory disease and all disease will be no more. I long for the day when I stand before my King and worship Him with all His people from all time. Is that where your hope today is? Or is it in the moment? Today, I pray your hope and confidence, in life and in death, are in the Lord, as the Heidelberg Catechism reminds us. It is in Him that there is true comfort, hope, peace, and eternal life. Only in Christ can you find hope, meaning, purpose, and yes, even in grief, the hope of joy because Christ is risen, reigning, and soon returning.