We believe that God has created the church and the family as complimentary institutions—designed to function together and support one another.
The church I pastor (Wayside Presbyterian Church) has a desire to be a multigenerational, family supporting, family integrated church—where parents
are being affirmed, equipped, and encouraged to fulfill their God-given privilege and responsibility of bringing up their children in the nurture and
instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). We want to reach the next generation everyday in homes, not just once a week in church.

Whether they realize it or not, children’s directors and youth ministers have been and are currently replacing parents as the primary source of biblical
instruction, thus turning the hearts of the children—not to the parents—but to the “professionals” (cf. Mal. 4:6). In turn, parents are abdicating their
God-given responsibilities in the home. I actually don’t put the blame on these leaders but on the parents and the overall leadership of the church.

A Necessary Clarification About Children’s and Youth Ministry

Disclaimer: I believe it is possible and sometimes appropriate to have a children’s and/or youth director in a local church, but with the primary purpose
of coming alongside parents to affirm, equip, train, and assist them as they (the parents) raise their children. In some cases, this might be the grandparents.

Let Scripture Shape the Structure

If we were to simply let the Bible inform and direct our structure of ministry in the church and at home (i.e., sufficiency of Scripture), we wouldn’t come up
with much of the age-segregated model that we see so often in the church today, which begs the question: where do you go in the Bible to find justification
or any theological foundational principle for modern youth and children’s ministry programs that are separated and disconnected from the primary role of the parents?
This would be a difficult task.

And yet, youth/children’s ministries are a multi-million dollar industry (youth degrees, staff, bands, t-shirt companies, camps, sound systems, lights, youth facilities, etc.).
The strongest argument for typical modern-day youth and children’s ministries is: I don’t see any reason not to? You will hear philosophical and pragmatic reasons, but you will not
hear biblical or theological reasons.

The Stakes: Discipleship Before Graduation

After a student’s graduation from high school or college, at no other time are these children segregated by age. They are suddenly turned out on their own, supposedly with the knowledge
of how to interact and respect older generations and model character and biblical maturity to younger generations when they’ve never done that in school or in church before.

Currently, around 75% of youth “involved” in church leave the church by the end of their first year in college. However, recent statistics show that most children are really “already gone”
by the time they graduate (cf. Ken Ham and Britt Beemer, Already Gone: Why Your Kids Will Quit Church and What You Can Do To Stop It, 2009). In other words, the issue isn’t simply
the preparation for college, but the present discipleship (or lack thereof) they are receiving.

Faithfulness Over Success: The Ordinary Means of Grace

Because we believe that God alone saves and sanctifies his people, we are given the task to faithfully plant and water the gospel (1 Cor. 3:7) through the means of growing in God’s grace
(Acts 2:42-47): Word, prayer, sacraments, worship, service, and gospel community. This is why we are focused on faithfulness over success. Focusing on the latter will only lead to either
pride or despair, besides it being unbiblical.

What If You’re Not a Parent?

What can you do if you are not a parent? Here are some ideas: mentor a younger man or woman. Affirm and encourage parents in their God-given roles. In the pew at church, help younger families,
as you are able. Teach them to open their Bibles, learn the songs, etc.

Six Vision Distinctives for Connecting the Church and the Home

Let me give you six vision distinctives that we’ve adopted in our church on how to practically connect the church and the home.

1. Fathers Taking Primary Initiative in Family Discipleship

From Scripture, we envision husbands/fathers taking the primary lead in discipling their families in the Lord and using their God-given gift of loving responsibility to invest their lives,
their love, and their faith to the next generation. This is done through teaching, family worship, catechism, and overall discipline and instruction. To be sure, the greatest thing our children
need is our love for God. Let your love for God inform and shape your love for them.

2. Equipping Men to Serve as Loving Leaders in the Home

To this end, we envision equipping and affirming men to be servant-leaders in their home—to provide, protect, nourish, and cherish their families.

3. Submitting to the Local Church and Growing in the Truth

We envision individuals and families submitting themselves to the leadership of the local church, studying the truth of Scripture, being present and engaged in worship, and intentionally being
a vibrant source of service, encouragement, and ministry to others.

4. Worshiping Together on the Lord’s Day

We envision children—young and old—being with their parents in Lord’s Day (Sunday) worship. We want to equip and encourage families with young and old children to worship together. Yes, children
will make noises, but we should be delighted to have children worshipping with us. If a child continues to be fussy, then we have a room for them to go.

5. Welcoming the Fatherless and the Spiritually Vulnerable

We envision reaching out to orphans and to other children and youth from either broken homes or homes with unbelieving parents with the gospel of Jesus Christ and welcoming them into the church,
where they find an abundance of fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters in the faith.

6. Gospel-Driven Ministry in Church and Home

We envision an emphasis on the gospel of grace in every area of church and family life, recognizing that we are all sinners in need of grace. Thus, this vision of church and home is not law-driven,
but gospel-driven. God’s commands simply point us to that which pleases the Lord.

Conclusion

My hope and prayer are that you will not just cast these thoughts aside, but truly study what the Scriptures have to say. And may God give you grace in the journey of being transformed more and more
by the renewing of your mind.