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Fighting for Your Marriage: Nine Biblical Reasons to Persevere
By Kevin Carson
Should you fight for your marriage? Is it worth the trouble? Simply, yes.
Here are nine reasons why you should fight for your marriage.
- God owns your marriage. Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). When at the altar you say “I do” to each other and make a marriage covenant together, you uncover God’s design for your life. In every wedding ceremony, the officiant asks if you will make a promise to live together in marriage. The vows may be worded a bit differently for each person, but in every case, you are pledging your love exclusively to this person for life. This is your choice.
God’s sovereign plan for your life is revealed as you make this freewill choice together. The covenant created on your wedding day stands. Jesus says that God keeps the authority exclusively for Himself for the dissolution of your marriage. What He put together through your individual choices, He expects not to be dissolved.
- Remaining faithful to your wedding covenant imitates God. The Bible says that each person should strive to live like God. “Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children” (Ephesians 5:1). One of God’s primary and most treasured attributes is covenant faithfulness.
The Old Testament term for covenant faithfulness combines several key values of love, faithfulness, mercy, grace, and kindness. God always lovingly remains faithful to His covenants. Promises that God makes, He never breaks. God acts for the benefit of the covenanted one without asking, “What’s in it for me?” God never looks for the simple way out. God chooses covenant fidelity and faithfulness over covenant dissolution or infidelity. In the Bible, insurmountable evidence points to God’s enduring faithfulness: consider God’s promises to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph; the infidelity and unfaithfulness of Israel; the beautiful love story of Ruth with Naomi and Boaz; Hosea’s marriage to Gomer, and others.
- Christlike, sacrificial love toward your spouse obeys God. After the reminder that all Christians are to imitate God, Paul continues, “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma” (Ephesians 5:2).
For the Christian, as we have received Christ’s love, we are to walk in it. To walk in love simply means to live lovingly as Christ in everything we do. How does Christ love? Christ’s love looks outward not inward. Christ’s love sacrifices willingly for God’s glory and the benefit of the other person. Christ’s love works even to its own harm. Christ’s love moves toward the other person even when there is a cold response in return. Christ’s love stands ready to forgive. Christ’s love provides what is best to grow and flourish. Christ’s love sacrifices. This is the standard and goal for love in marriage.
- Your marriage is an earthly picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:23–33). Imperfect picture—yes. Marriage perfection evades all of us. Therefore, an imperfect marriage or spouse fails as an excuse for lack of involvement in your marriage, or worse, for leaving your marriage.
Instead, the opposite is true. If you have an imperfect marriage, then sacrificial love and covenant faithfulness demonstrate the best picture of how Christ loves the church. Jesus married the church which is made up of sinners like you and your spouse. Yet, in spite of the ups and downs, Christ still loves, forgives, remains sensitive, and endures.
- Your emotions fail you. Regardless of how you feel right now about your spouse and your marriage, what you know concerning God’s desires for you is greater. God provides the power of the Holy Spirit to persevere.
Emotions must be considered but not followed. They serve as warning lights, not decision-makers.
- Incompatibility is an excuse, not a reason. Scripture never defines marriage by compatibility. With hard work and God’s resources, couples can persevere.
- When a marriage fails, no one wins. Divorce dishonors God, distorts the gospel picture, and leaves waves of hurting people.
- Imperfect marriages benefit you and your family. God uses pressure-filled circumstances to grow Christlikeness (Romans 8:28–29; James 1:2–4).
- You have hope in Christ. “He who began a good work in you will complete it” (Philippians 1:6).
Fight.
Fight for your marriage, not with your spouse.
If you are struggling, get help. Ask your pastor. Contact a biblical counselor. Talk with a trusted friend. Pray. Get started fighting for your marriage.
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Kevin Carson is the Pastor of the Sonrise Baptist Church in Ozark, Missouri (www.sonrisebaptist.com). In addition to his pastoral ministry, he serves as the department chair of biblical counseling at the Baptist Bible College and Theological Seminary in Springfield, Missouri (www.gobbc.edu). He also serves as a counselor at Sonrise Biblical Counseling Ministry, is ACBC Certified, IABC Certified, a council member of the Biblical Counseling Coalition, author, and is a frequent speaker at conferences, retreats and seminars. He and his wife, Kelly, have four children.
