How God’s Grace Shapes Our Journey Through Grief and Contentment

I will always remember October 2021, when one of my dear mentors in ministry went home to be with the Lord. What followed was a time of joy, knowing he was with the Lord, but also a season of deep grief. I quickly realized that, while I had a lot of experience helping others navigate grief, I had never gone through that level of deep-seated sorrow myself. So, I sought biblical counseling from a dear brother in Christ, trained and seasoned in this area. Little did I know that his guidance would reveal to me my need for more rest, which would, in turn, help me through the loss of my mentor, the death of my father from dementia in January 2025, and the passing of my older brother in March 2025.

From early 2020 to 2022, I worked on a book about contentment, which has now been published, Contentment: The Journey of a Lifetime. On one level, it was an easy book to write, since I’ve studied contentment for years. On another level, it was a personal application project, as it took longer than it should have because I had to apply the biblical truths of contentment into my own life. Biblical contentment starts and ends with our union with Christ—who we are in the Lord.

Since October 2021, I’ve had much time to reflect on grief, especially since the passing of my dad in January 2025 and my brother in March 2025. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been worthwhile. Here are some lessons I’ve learned along the way.

1. Activity in Ministry Doesn’t Equate to Godliness

Ministry of any kind is a privilege of God’s grace, a lesson my mentor Mike instilled in me. It is also a joy, which I’ve been discovering more deeply. It’s not just a privilege that people want to hear or read what I write—it’s a joyful privilege to serve anyone with God’s Word. Death has a way of reminding you that this world is not your home, and that whatever you do—today, tomorrow, and until your last breath—needs to be done with great urgency.

I tend to think not just about today, but also about what the next twenty or thirty years might look like. I don’t stress about it or play the “what if” game, but I want to leave a godly legacy for God’s glory and the good of His people. To do that requires a commitment to excellence—not just today, but for the future.

2. Commitment to Family and Legacy

When my dad was diagnosed with dementia in 2012, I began to think about the next decade. I made a deep commitment to my dad before the Lord, vowing to be there no matter what it took. Little did I know the costs it would demand—visits to mental wards, group homes, assisted living, and ultimately speaking at his funeral.

Yet, we have joy today and always because of the Lord. One of the fruits of the Spirit is joy (Galatians 5:22-25), and Scripture speaks so much about the joy we have in the Lord (Nehemiah 8:10)! It was a privilege of God’s grace to speak at my dad’s military honors funeral and to talk about the Lord’s love for both my dad and me, recalling the great memories we shared. Joy, along with an increased sense of urgency, has been one of the fruits I’ve rediscovered during this time.

3. Grief Is a Hard Pillow to Swallow

Grief is a hard pill to swallow, no matter how long you’ve been a Christian. I’ve walked with the Lord for three and a half decades and been in ministry for almost twenty-five years. Along the way, I’ve seen the Lord bring reconciliation in difficult situations, and I’ve witnessed the burnout of others in ministry. Through it all, I’ve seen God’s faithfulness in both the small and big situations of life.

In my grief, I remember a lesson I learned early on about thankfulness. I can tend to become so focused on a situation that I forget how thankful I should be. Have you ever considered biblical thankfulness? Did you know that it’s a command in 1 Thessalonians 5:18? Every morning and night, I take a few moments to thank the Lord for the day. I thank Him before I get in my car, when I reach my destination, and when I return home. I thank Him for the food I have, the shelter I enjoy, and the work I get to do.

One of my mentors told me that the Christian life is all about thanksgiving, and that’s so true. Thankfulness reorients our perspective—shifting it from our circumstances to fixing our eyes on the author and finisher of our faith, the Lord Jesus (Hebrews 12:2). This is where contentment comes in. The Apostle Paul, despite being shipwrecked, beaten, and enduring countless hardships (2 Corinthians 12:10), remained focused on the Lord. His focus wasn’t on his circumstances but on knowing Christ and being content in Him (Philippians 4:11-13). Thankfulness for what the Lord has done—and continues to do—helps us grow in contentment.

4. Taking One Step, One Moment, One Day at a Time

I still have hard days grieving the loss of my dear mentor Mike, my dad, and my older brother. One thing I’ve learned from my wife’s grief over the loss of her parents before we married is this: one step at a time, one moment at a time, and one day at a time with the Lord’s help. I’m thankful for the time I had with Mike, my dad, and my older brother. Though they aren’t here with me now, they are with the Lord—and that is such a comfort and joy.

5. Practicing What I Preach in Grief

When I received the call that my dad passed away on January 15, 2025, I remember saying to my wife, “This is going to be a season of practicing what I preach.” While that’s always true for every season of life, it’s especially so in grief. In grief, we must take ourselves by the hand and preach the truth of Scripture to ourselves, reminding ourselves of the good news that Christ’s death and resurrection provide steady, sure comfort for those facing grief—and for those walking alongside others who are grieving.

Hope and Help for the Christian in Grief

There is so much hope and help for the Christian in grief. From the resources of God’s grace that have brought us into Christ, to our union with Him, to the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, to the support of God’s people—there is abundant hope. If you’re facing grief, or walking alongside someone who is, know that there is so much help from the Lord available to His people.

I pray that this article ministers to you, and that you will find all your help and hope in the sufficiency of Christ, in the present help of the Holy Spirit (our Comforter), and in the support of God’s people within your local church.