It always amazes me how the Lord sometimes brings back to my recollection of events, conversations, and experiences that seemed insignificant at the time. Still, the Holy Spirit uses them to convict, guide, teach, and sanctify me as I study Scripture. One such conversation happened several years ago and, sadly, came in the form of gossip. I was ignorant of biblical wisdom at this time, but I remember conviction when I heard a lady being criticized. The gossip went something like this: “She and her father show up at every funeral in town! They always go to funerals, whether they know the person or not!” While the person meant it as a character attack against the lady and her father, it struck me and permanently convicted and impacted me, even to this day. I remember being too cowardly to respond and say, “Isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing?”

As I sit and ponder the depth of suffering and how I should be a better friend to those in pain, that conversation returns to my memory. 

It is vital to understand what God is teaching us in the story of Job and his friends: how we often err in response to seasons of suffering and can prove to be miserable comforters if we try to defend God and make excuses for His Sovereignty. But, there is also a beautiful lesson on friendship during suffering that we read in Job 2:11-13, and as I read it, I am reminded of that lady and her father, “who was always at every funeral in town.” 

Job 2:11-13 says, “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.  And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven.  And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.” 

Job’s enemies triumphed in his tragedies, but here we are given an account of a kind visit paid to Job by three of his friends in his affliction.  In their discourses, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar appear eminently wise and good men. Job had enjoyed a friendship with these older, respected men during his prosperous years – elders with great reputations for knowledge and sound judgment. 

Matthew Henry explained this passage in a beautiful commentary that encourages all believers who may struggle with fears of comforting others. We often avoid going to people in their grief, suffering, and pain because we don’t know what to say or do. This passage reminds us that it is most often not what we do or say but just being there is what is important. Henry wrote:

“They continued their friendship with Job in his adversity, when most of his friends had forsaken him. They come to share with him in his griefs, as formerly they had come to share with him in his comforts. Many a good lesson is to be learned from the troubles of others; we may look upon them and receive instruction, and be made wise and serious. Some good word may be spoken to them which may help to make them easy. Job’s friends came to mourn with him, to mingle their tears with his, and so to comfort him. It is much more pleasant to visit those in affliction to whom comfort belongs than those to whom we must first speak conviction. They were not sent for, but came of their own accord (ch. vi. 22). They came with a design to comfort him… When they saw him at some distance he was so disfigured and deformed with his sores that they knew him not, v. 12. What a change will a sore disease, or oppressing care and grief, make in the countenance, in a little item! Is this Job? Observing him thus miserably altered, they did not leave him, in a fright or loathing, but expressed so much the more tenderness towards him. The sight of them revived Job’s grief, and set him a weeping afresh, which fetched floods of tears from their eyes. They rent their clothes, and sprinkled dust upon their heads, as men that would strip themselves, and abase themselves, with their friend that was stripped and abased. They had many a time, it is likely, sat with him on his couches and at his table, in his prosperity, and were therefore willing to share with him in his grief and poverty because they had shared with him in his joy and plenty. They resolved to stay with him till they saw him mend or end, and therefore took lodgings near him, though he was not now able to entertain them. Every day, for seven days together, they came and sat with him, as his companions in tribulation. They sat with him, but none spoke a word to him, only they all attended to the particular narratives he gave of his troubles. By their silence so long they would intimate that what they afterwards said was well considered and digested and the results of many thoughts. We should think twice before we speak once, especially in such a case as this, think long, and we shall be the better able to speak short and to the purpose.”[i]

Second Corinthians 1:3-4 is an encouragement to Christians that it isn’t in our own strength that we can comfort others, but only by the power of the Holy Spirit within us: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

I pray I become more of a friend or even stranger who reaches out to comfort others in their sufferings. 

References

[i] The Matthew Henry commentary, Church, L.F. (1961) “Job 2,” in Commentary on the whole Bible: Genesis to Revelation. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Pub. House, pp. 518–519.